I reckon there's a mind zapper on the pier at phi phi - sensible people arrive but within minutes brains have turned to jelly. From observation over many years the zapper seems to be particulalary effective on 18-25yr old brainwaves. So this is a little guide for them to help combat the effects.

1) There's no such thing as a free lunch (bucket)! - those flyer's for free buckets might look tempting but don't kid yourself

a) that if you collect enough of them that you can go out and not spend a baht. As a rule of thumb, your pockets get emptier the more free buckets you comsume

b) that you won't get horribly wasted from the cheap liquor in them. The bucket hangover is in a class all of its own - one to be treasured (not).

2) Is it really that important? don't expect that your level of urgency or seriousness of a situation will be understood by any local. If you're anxious or angry you'll be speaking fast and not picking your words carefully so you can pretty much guarantee that while locals will nod and smile they'll be understanding very little of what your saying. Count to 10 decide if it's really important and if it is do it the Thai way in a quiet calm voice. If its not imprtant take 10 paces out to sea and scream - they'll already think you're crazy so nothing lost there. 

3. ooops I overslept! The whole island uses the same ferries, everyone coming early wants to check-in and everyone leaving late wants not to check-out - a potential no win situation for the resorts and guest houses. With no Harry Potter wands on the island they have to have check-in/out times to allow for room cleaning (that flourescent body paint can be a nightmare to clean up!). Anyway you'll not be the first person at reception claiming some mystery sickness and asking for leniency for vacating the room 2 hours late! You want it - ask for it beforehand and pay for it - simple! or at least be inventive and come up with something original and ask politely with a smile.

4. Pay for pp. Its a bummer that there are no public toilets on the island and so yes ones that do allow non customers to use them generally ask a few baht. So just bite the bullet and pay or go back to your room, the beautiful ocean and peoples doorways are just not cool alternatives.

5. Loves lost dreams - 'I want to marry you and have your babies' is a Thai pick up line and its no more true than any of the cheesy western pick up lines we're used to - but I'd love a baht for everyone who believes it. dream on!

6. One for the girlies - wearing next to zero clothing, getting wasted on buckets and flirting like mad all night will get you exactly what you'd expect - a one night stand! If that's what you're up for then all well and good but if its not think again about buying that 2nd or 3rd bucket.

7. Lost property - hmmm going out for a big night of drinking - now why would you wanna take your camera with all your precsious travel shots, your phone, your passport, your credit cards and all your money - baffles me every time i hear this one. 'i fell asleep on the beach and now I've lost evreything'. They've no idea who they were with, where they went or the last time they had the items. how many times cleaning staff in rooms get accused of stealing just so that a more reasonable insurance claim can be made rather than oops sorry i was p***d and lost it all. those safety deposit boxes are useful ornaments.

8. 1 2 3... knock out - one for the boys! If you're prone to a testosterone rush of mouthiness after several buckets, then take it out in the Thai boxing ring - don't take it to the bars. With so many different nationalities/cultures on Phi Phi, mouthiness can often be interpreted as an aggressive act and when there are buckets involved peoples ability to count to 10 seems to fade. Spreading the love is so much cooler and has some slightly nicer side effects.

9. Fireshow skipping - It's real fire - don't play with it - it hurts - for a long time after!

10. don't book a return ferry ticket for the next day - silliest thing on the planet to do - you'll miss the ferry for sure and probably not get to see the amazing nature around the island.

This is not a definitive list or an unbiased one - but a quick personal resume of what you can expect on Phi Phi - just a taster with 2 bars from each location around Phi Phi. (More to follow later.)

Bohemian Bar - the newcomer! For those of you who know the island a little it will be no surprise to know that this is Pieter aka Pieter Pan's latest venture. It's big but has the atmosphere of a secret spot. Different styles of seating from comfy sofa's (yes in a beach bar!), hippy cushions, little bamboo huts with hammocks and more conventional tables and chairs. Candles & tree lighting make it cosy and romantic. Music is currently very Thai style DJ (those of you who have visited Phi Phi before will know what that means!) with an interesting nightly addition of a jam session with didgeridoo. They even have a looky likey Jack Sparrow to greet you on arrival. Facebook  @BohemianBeachBar

Love Cafe - More of a daytime or early evening watering hole, with a huge selection of luxury drinks, smoothies, chocolates and cocktails. Great chilled out music and undercover seating. Nothing ordinary about these drinks and Lonely Planet recommended (Thailand's Islands & Beaches 2010). If you like real martinis, real coffees, interesting teas or want something unusual like a matcha latte or bee pollen on your coffee - this is the place.  http://www.lovecafephiphi.com/  Facebook/Twitter @lovecafephiphi

Banana Bar - Phi Phi's only rooftop bar. A really cool party bar with chill-out huts. They have the best tunes on Phi Phi and their DJ (Ben - from London Town) brings you all the latest sounds. Their cocktails are good prices and they have a huge range - their bar team is worth watching - the way they knock them out at speed when busy. To add to the fun they have fluo bodypaints, beer bongs, sheesa's and on busy nites a very cute Thai nurse who goes around giving out 'injection' shots! If you are travelling with a group - this is definitely the place to go to make it happen.  Facebook/Twitter @BananaBarPhiPhi

Paddy's - not just a bar but a restaurant also. The thing that makes this so special is Paddy himself - he's so sociable he sometimes forgets to serve people! A big gentle fun-loving Irishman, he always has some bargain going on drinks or food. His music can be a bit random - but you don't go to Paddys for the music! Lonely Planet recommended. 

Stones Bar - the only 24 hour bar on the island. This is the place most locals go after finishing work in the other bars and restaurants. The music can be touch and go, sometimes great sometimes not but no-one cares. It looks great, beach, view, driftwood, fluorescent 'cave' paintings. If you are trashed you'll end up there and not remember it, if your not you'll most likely end up chatting to someone and then realise its 5am already and you really do have to get up in the morning. They have a secret at the bar but I'm not saying what - those who've been there will know already!

Apache Bar - boom boom boom! Everything you expect of a party beach bar. Loud music, mostly out of date standard 'getting it down on the dance floor' tunes. Lots of local Thai and westerners to flirt, meet and greet you and make sure you have a bucket full night. (Thai party drinks are served in little plastic buckets!) Dancing on the tables, falling off your plastic beach chair, chatting up random strangers and getting hopelessly drunk are all part of the Apache bar styling.