I reckon there's a mind zapper on the pier at phi phi - sensible people arrive but within minutes brains have turned to jelly. From observation over many years the zapper seems to be particulalary effective on 18-25yr old brainwaves. So this is a little guide for them to help combat the effects.

1) There's no such thing as a free lunch (bucket)! - those flyer's for free buckets might look tempting but don't kid yourself

a) that if you collect enough of them that you can go out and not spend a baht. As a rule of thumb, your pockets get emptier the more free buckets you comsume

b) that you won't get horribly wasted from the cheap liquor in them. The bucket hangover is in a class all of its own - one to be treasured (not).

2) Is it really that important? don't expect that your level of urgency or seriousness of a situation will be understood by any local. If you're anxious or angry you'll be speaking fast and not picking your words carefully so you can pretty much guarantee that while locals will nod and smile they'll be understanding very little of what your saying. Count to 10 decide if it's really important and if it is do it the Thai way in a quiet calm voice. If its not imprtant take 10 paces out to sea and scream - they'll already think you're crazy so nothing lost there. 

3. ooops I overslept! The whole island uses the same ferries, everyone coming early wants to check-in and everyone leaving late wants not to check-out - a potential no win situation for the resorts and guest houses. With no Harry Potter wands on the island they have to have check-in/out times to allow for room cleaning (that flourescent body paint can be a nightmare to clean up!). Anyway you'll not be the first person at reception claiming some mystery sickness and asking for leniency for vacating the room 2 hours late! You want it - ask for it beforehand and pay for it - simple! or at least be inventive and come up with something original and ask politely with a smile.

4. Pay for pp. Its a bummer that there are no public toilets on the island and so yes ones that do allow non customers to use them generally ask a few baht. So just bite the bullet and pay or go back to your room, the beautiful ocean and peoples doorways are just not cool alternatives.

5. Loves lost dreams - 'I want to marry you and have your babies' is a Thai pick up line and its no more true than any of the cheesy western pick up lines we're used to - but I'd love a baht for everyone who believes it. dream on!

6. One for the girlies - wearing next to zero clothing, getting wasted on buckets and flirting like mad all night will get you exactly what you'd expect - a one night stand! If that's what you're up for then all well and good but if its not think again about buying that 2nd or 3rd bucket.

7. Lost property - hmmm going out for a big night of drinking - now why would you wanna take your camera with all your precsious travel shots, your phone, your passport, your credit cards and all your money - baffles me every time i hear this one. 'i fell asleep on the beach and now I've lost evreything'. They've no idea who they were with, where they went or the last time they had the items. how many times cleaning staff in rooms get accused of stealing just so that a more reasonable insurance claim can be made rather than oops sorry i was p***d and lost it all. those safety deposit boxes are useful ornaments.

8. 1 2 3... knock out - one for the boys! If you're prone to a testosterone rush of mouthiness after several buckets, then take it out in the Thai boxing ring - don't take it to the bars. With so many different nationalities/cultures on Phi Phi, mouthiness can often be interpreted as an aggressive act and when there are buckets involved peoples ability to count to 10 seems to fade. Spreading the love is so much cooler and has some slightly nicer side effects.

9. Fireshow skipping - It's real fire - don't play with it - it hurts - for a long time after!

10. don't book a return ferry ticket for the next day - silliest thing on the planet to do - you'll miss the ferry for sure and probably not get to see the amazing nature around the island.